ShitShow Recollection

So, last night. I wish I could end it there, but unfortunately last night was too good to not write about. Putting a bunch of drunk college kids in a bar filled with smoke and 105 degree heat, on a night of pouring rain, are the ingredients for an epic disaster or movie worthy night.

After getting back from work, much later then usual, I ran into a few of my dipshit buddies, fucking hugging and doing very non-hetero, but acceptable, shit. You know when guys get really drunk and almost everything is followed by a High Five or an acceptable man hug. It looked like these guys were having a fun bro-on-bro sesh so I didn't want to interfere, but the man-fuel factor was high so I joined in. The conversation was like every other conversation we have. We only talk about three things.

1. Dude you look like your shitfaced. SICK

2. Yeah yo, I'm gonna fuck her tonight.

3. Dude, Tiesto

After this little interaction I preceded into my dormitory, which for some reason was giving me a vibe that I was about to embark on an epic fucking journey. I take the elevator up stairs to see whats up, and just as expected, the fucking young dirty boys are sucking down beers faster then when a 12 year old cries after she gets her first period.

Sidenote: This paragraph isnt over, i just cracked a beer and felt everyone should just know how much of a fucking gangsta I am.

After seeing the faces of The Ghost, Young Bernie Whooooadoff, Donnie, Wrecker, TrainGuy, Honkey Tonk Man, FastJim, Douglas, and Knuckles, I knew that these guys were lookin to get their dicks in some dirty shit. I'll skip ahead to not bore you with the marathon shot-gunning session and the guys trying to put a cigarette out on my ass while I was in the shower.

Sooo its time to go to the bar.

Fact 1: 6 grown ass fuckin dudes and a chick can fit in a 2 door Volkswagon

Upon arriving at the shit-hole of a bar we attend every week, we park a block away and sprint through the buckets of water being pissed on us by the sky. When we enter, the temperature rises about 60 degrees and we all begin sweating like the fuckin pigs that we are. Beers and mixed drinks are being consumed at a pace that may kill some human beings.

Fact 2: Triple fisting is the new thing

We make our way to the dance floor and listen to a few of our anthem songs such ass OPP, We No Speak Americano, and Teach Me How To Dougie. Now my boy Douglas can get down and Dougie like a fucking don mega of a hood rat. Everyones dancing and having fun so I decide to shake up some silver bullets and make it rain on bitches. Cans get cracked open and bitches are getting a diesel champagne shower. I then see the spawn of Donnie grab TrainGuy and perform what appeared to be a trust-fall on the dance floor. The only problem was that nobody was behind them to catch em. Then laying on the ground like two corpses i proceeded to laugh and dump $3 dollar beers on them.

3 O'clock + A mop of dudes piss drunk = Cab's Are Here

Fact 3: When a cabbie won't let you smoke in the car, its a free ride.

A few bros jump in a cab with me. Right off the bat the cabbies being a dick. First he wont take us to school, then he's overcharging us, and he decides to take his own sketchy route. FastJim gives me THE LOOK when we pull up to campus. The doors open, "How much do we owe," Peace Out. Next thing you know, 4 guys in full sprints with the cabbie fair are darting through campus. Guys are hiding behind trees but I only have one thing on my mind. GET THE FUCK TO YOUR ROOM AS FAST AS YOU CAN. When running on grass in a monsoon, most people don't notice pools that develop that may be up to 2 feet deep of water. In my panic and balls to the wall sprint, I trip on a tree root.

You already know what's coming. Out of a movie, I belly flop into a giant pool of water. Now when I say I was submerged, I shit you not, my entire body was under water. Balls deep in mud and cigarette butts, I am drowning on what was earlier a lawn. *Karma. Once I collect myself and get pass all the laughter I sprint back into my dorm.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

ONCE WE GET TO 2000 VIEWS, YOU'LL HEAR THE REMAINDER OF THIS EPIC NIGHT. TRUST ME, SHIT GETS WILD.