Guy Tips 4 Chicks

Unless you are Emmanuelle Chriqui, Everything below applies to you.

Recently I've been having talks with my buddies about either girlfriends, one night stands, or whores who will open their legs at the snap of a finger. We've been talking about some shit that girls do that freaks us out, makes us uncomfortable, or just straight-up hurts. Heres a few bedroom tips for the lady viewers. Enjoy!

1. Eyes Down - when performing the art of the BJ on your male, stop staring at him like he owes you lunch money. For many reasons, the staring aspect is uncomfortable. A) Focus on the goods and not the upshot of my nose. B) You may think you look hot doing it, but we know the face that we're making isn't the least bit attractive. C) Your not a porn-star.

2. Suck Us Off, Dont Suck It Off - The ball-bag region is a very sensitive area. And when you apply the force of a Dyson Vacuum on our tea-bag, its slightly excruciating. Play with them nicely and this will avoid hospital visits. Its hard to explain to your parents that you had your nut sucked out of place.

3. Don't Be Afraid of The Lingerie - All guys love lingerie, and if they say they don't, then they are fuckin liars or like to be the buns to somebody else's chili-dog. A) It's something new (because we will break up with you if you keep doing the same shit). B) We know how you girls love buying stupid shit, so at least get something both parties can enjoy. C) And for my chunkier and more insecure broads, this is a perfect way to cover up any left over rolls you might have picked up from the cafeteria.

4. God Gave You 2 Holes For A Reason - Again, this is probably something new for all you lame asses. Reminder: The same shit everyday, sucks and makes us guys watch more and more porn. Further slowing down our already virus infected computers. Nobody ever died from a nice trip down the Hershey Highway. Just make sure to clean the area before the rodeo begins. There's nothing worse then coming home muddy when you were supposed to be at the beach.

5. The Rub and Tug - Every guy fantasizes about getting a little rub down followed by a RUB DOWN. Throw one of these in for you man every once in a while and he may think less about dumping your ass once you put on those extra "BOYFRIEND" pounds.