Autoerotic Asphyxiation

This generations youth has brought a new meaning to fucking twisted sex. When people first started boning, it would be one person and another person. Over time this turned into people fucking animals, corpses, apple-turnovers, and shampoo bottles. I have even heard of kids bringing bagels back from the cafeteria, microwaving them, and then fucking them (supposedly it very closely resembles a twat). But now some people are taking it to the next level. Autoerotic Asphyxiation is the attempt to cut-off ones air supply while they masturbate. Something about this isn't very appealing to me. Here are some tips to remember when perform this act:

1. Make sure you have a fail-safe. Make sure you have a knife to cut the rope tied around your neck or a chair.

2. Make sure to leave one of the most fucked up crime scenes in the case you actually die. Besides leaving porn and girls underwear all around you, turn around family photos, take a shit and don't wipe or flush, hang your favorite stuffed animal next to you on a similar noose, and turn the microwave on defrost for 30 minutes with nothing inside.

3.  Use a friend. There is nothing wrong with a spotter. Someone who can motivate you to rub out your dong faster and harder or in the event you pass out, they can remove the strangling device from around your neck or face. After the asphyxiation occurs, you may need to have a heart to heart talk with your buddy about what just happened.

4. Just stick to fucking inanimate objects. There's no danger in fucking a chicken pot pie or a microwaved bagel with lox smear. I don't think the apple-turnover will press any charges for rape or sexual abuse.

Happy Spanking Boys