Thursday, March 31, 2011

Is Puma the next Ed Hardy!



Puma is really tired of getting shit on by Nike....so they have decided to take over the bar scene. But honestly how is wearing Puma going to help get some pussy or shoot a dart straight. Puma is targeting the after hours athletes... Let us know what you think.

Bad Luck or Good PR

I figured that I should share this with you guys.  I am currently sitting in class hanging my head in shame and my face is as red as the devils dick because my teacher is convinced that I am a homo.  I was supposed to be doing the work that she assigned at the beginning of class but I was really surfing the Dirty Boys page.  When I saw her start to walk around the class I quickly minimized the page like a 12 year old boy who just got caught jerking off by his parents for the first time.  I thought I was slick and brought up my excel spreadsheet.  I didn't realize that even thought the page wasn't up on the screen the box at the bottom of the page said Young Dirty Boys.  She totally caught me and called me out on it.  She said, "HMMMMM... Young  Dirty Boys huh? That doesn't look like the work and shouldn't it be young dirty girls."  I  tried to play it off like it was nothing but she had already announced it to the class.  I just replied, "UHHH read my blog?"  I'm still in shock and completely baffled by my situation.  While this was all going on, The Honkey Tonk Man and Donnie are hysterically laughing and pissing their pants while they sit in the row in front of me.  There is no recovering from that one, she definitely thinks that I love dick. Rightfully so I guess. Fuck me right?!

Monday, March 28, 2011

What your favorite movie really is...Amazing how right this is!

This math test will determine your favorite movie. Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be “Dumb and Dumber". I knew i was a faggot. I was surprised how this worked. Be honest and don’t look at the movie list till you have done the math.
This crazy math quiz can most likely predict which of the 18 films you would enjoy the most. Don’t ask me how, but it really works.
Movie Test:
1. Pick a number from 1-9.


2. Multiply by 3. 


3. Add 3.


4. Multiply by 3 again.


 5. Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies after the break.





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Movie List:



1. Night at the Roxberry
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. Dumb and Dumberer
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy of Anal Sex With A Goat
10. Blade
11. Jurassic Park
12. Dumb and Dumber
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story 3
Now, ain’t that something…..?
Weird how true it is right.....?
...... Goat-fuckersss!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Guys Tips 4 Chicks: Week 2

THE SHIT YOU WONT FIND IN COSMO



Coco Austin Has Great Eyes


What's Mine Is Not Yours - I know that sometimes people get caught up in the heat of the moment, but some shit is just unacceptable. Now us guys have roaming hands, but thats just the way it always has been. Some guys, before they release their Man-Milk, may either pull some hair, scratch their partners back, whelp like a school girl bitch, or might throw a finger in their girls ass. IT IS NOT LEGIT FOR A FEMALE TO TOSS A FINGER IN OUR ASS. This is an exit only for most of us and you probably don't have a PhD in the art of the colonoscopy.

Swallow The Gravy - Unless battery acid is a part of your man's diet, you should be able to take the cream of wheat like a champ. Some chicks say it taste bad but it only last a few seconds and you've probably eaten shit that tastes worse as part of your bulimic diets. When you order the Soup Du Jour, you don't spit it back into your napkin. Bon Appetit Bitches

No Questions Please - One of the most boner killing statements a guy can hear is "Are you gonna go." No shit we're gonna go. Barring the fact we may be completely inebriated to what is occurring around us. I have never met a guy that just bones but wont finish the job. And girls, if it's taking over an hour for your partner to explode from his man-italia, your obviously doing something wrong because most of us can take care of our own business in 2-3 minutes when you aren't around.

St. Fuckin Patty's

Long time, no blog. Dutch had to take some time off a.k.a. a weekend in county followed by rehabilitation. And it was all because of my epic story from St. Patty's Day.

The day started like any other normal day. 
1. Waking up way too early and severely hungover from the night before
2. Noticing the cigarette burns acquired from my friends the night before
3. And finally, trying to put on my favorite pants that I happened to have pissed all over.

But nothing could stop me from missing this day because the lord himself almost named this holiday St. Dutch Day. I begin to put on my green soccer jersey, followed by obnoxious green beads, light up stickers, and shamrock Oakleys (Yes people, I am a fucking G and have shamrock Oakleys). The ghost, being the mind reader that he is, picked me up a bacon egg and cheese sandwich and a bagel with shmear. The purpose of filling up very early is to make sure you have enough man-fuel to possibly get you through a 16 hour day of binge drinking. All man-fueled up = Time for the festivities.

I walk into the quad and just see a slew of partially drunk and still completely hungover jibroni's (my friends). Now I'm talking 30 deep. Chicks and Dicks. The whole fucking picnic basket ladies and gents. You had your tall, short, fat, skinny, ginger, hot, and swamp-donkey friends all waiting for some hint of direction as to where to go. And I left out the fact that it's about 10 a.m. at this point. Once the crew of ass-holes is rallied up, we head up to the bus stop. 

1. My friends are all country bumpkins and have never taken MassTransit in their life.
2. Nobody has a MetroCard except for me.
3. My friends are dick heads.
4. They don't even have quarters to give the bus driver.

By some miracle, this bus driver let 25-35 dip-shits on the bus for a combined price of probably $6.42. Now this guy was a saint. The only thing was that he wanted us to sit in the back, away from the paying customers. Bus is moving now and I got a group of probably three 16-17 year old girls that cut school, and got some old creepy guy to buy them beer. BOOM Target. These chicks have to get fucked with. I begin to ramble about how my friend drives an ice-cream truck covered in skulls. But while I'm doing this, I have my shirt up to my nipples and I'm digging my finger in my belly-button, as if to find "Some Lucky Charms." Needless to say, they exit at the next stop. Bus is continuing to take us to the train station and by now, everyone on the bus knows that my friend drives an ice-cream truck covered in skulls. We get off the bus at the train station faster then when you go to the bathroom after mixing street meat with red bull vodkas. But now we are minus 2 love-birds because they forgot to get off. 



Train Ride = The Beginning of The End

1. Half of us hop the turn-style like in The Warriors. Except we didn't have bandanas and cool vests
2. Its hot as fuck on the train, Therefore my fly is open to keep my homeostasis on point
3. Pockets are full of beer and cigarettes, so I put a beer in my open fly
4. Everyone on the train now knows that my friend drives an ice-cream truck covered in skulls
5. Fact: It is illegal to smoke cigarettes on a subway car

Train arrives where we need to be. Now there's a wild pack of hot sweaty slam-pigs leaving the train. Were a little drunk right now and insist on hopping the turn-style even when exiting the subway. When we emerge from the station, I felt as if the subway shit me out into a sea of green that just smelt like vomit and old hot dogs. I was in paradise. Fuck Spring Break, there were enough underage smoke-shows to last me a lifetime. We were confused as to where to walk, so we just creepily follow a group of hot chicks that were stumbling down a street chugging water bottles full of the devils piss. WHO THE FUCK DRINKS VODKA ON ST. PATTY'S DAY. Whatever, their already dead to me at this point. 

We stumble upon the parade and there's a barricade and a cop saying "Do Not Enter, Exit Only." My response as I enter the barricade, "I'm a cop, don't worry, i just forgot my beer over there." And the dumb bitch bought it. I watch the parade for about 14 seconds and realize its the same shit as every year. I walk back over to my buddies and there's a guy holding up a street sign.


My Jewish buddy didn't seem to take offense to the sign so I started taking pictures with the guy. But every time before a picture was snapped, I would jam my thumb in the guys ass and move to the other side. He was obviously shit-faced so this seemed like an entertaining game until he hit me in the dome with his sign. He didn't know that my head is harder then the devil's dick, so his sign had to suffer for it.

Now the motley crew heads into a bar/restaurant because we've been trying to take shits for the last two hours. I enter the bathroom first and drop a heaping dump that would even impress Simon Cowell. This thing looked like that guys hand from Mortal Combat. All you fucking losers know what I'm talking about. Just like any other epic dump, I snap a pic of it on my phone. But what I didn't snap a pic of was The Ghost pissing in the urinal with his pants around his ankles. Fucking EPIC.


Check in tomorrow for Part 2 of the story as there will probably be more then 2 parts of this story. The whole day is just too epic to leave out any details. Also, being that I was in the state of "Inanimate Objects are Talking to Me" Drunk, I have to clarify some more things with other sources.

Stay Classy CockSuckers

Whats in your Vagina?


Police in northeastern Pennsylvania say they recovered more than 50 bags of heroin, cash and loose change from a woman following a cavity search.


Authorities say 27-year-old Karin Mackaliunas was detained last weekend following a crash. Scranton police say they found three bags of heroin in her jacket and after being taken to the police station she told investigators she had more hidden in her vagina.
A doctor performed a search and recovered 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, prescription pills and $51.22.
Mackaliunas was jailed on $25,000 bail on charges including possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance. It was not clear if she had an attorney.
A preliminary hearing is scheduled for Monday.
-Out of curiousity, how freaking high do you have to be to stretch open and just stuff everything in like a hefty bag? Funniest part... doctors found $51.22. 22 CENTS! not a quarter, but this women decides to hide at a minimum two dimes and two pennies in her vagina! Because apparently they were THAT worth hanging on too

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Top 5 Spring Break Hot Spots for 2011

1. Cancun

Tulum Ruins and Beach, South of Cancun (in attitude and distance)
Cancun, you're still the one. This little piece of Mexico is pure craziness during March and April: margarita madness and a massive influx of students doing the spring thing on drop-dead gorgeous beaches and in late-late-late night clubs. Don't forget to get a passport for this perennially popular paradise on Mexico's Caribbean!

 

2. Panama City, Florida

Panama City and Panama City Beach have Florida's spring break top dog billing yet again in 2011, though Miami, especially South Beach, will once more offer some serious competition. mtvU was all about Panama City in 2009 showing the planet that Panama City's a sure bet for the kind of fantastic fun that makes a break memorable for the rest of your life.


3. Miami and South Beach, Florida

Spring Break in South Beach Miami, Florida
Welcome to prime time, South Beach and Miami Beach! Just east of Miami, South Beach is bordered by Biscayne Bay on one side and the Atlantic on the other (which is where you'll find the beaches you'll like). South Beach is a tres cool club scene (is your attitude really ready?). Just up the sand is Miami Beach -- bit cheaper and less of dress-with-the-best thing.

4. Europe

Eiffel Tower at Night, Paris
Exchange rates ain't bad, and thus Europe moves up four places on the list of spring break hot spots for 2011 -- Amsterdam, London and Paris will be the cities in which you'll see the most American students, followed by Rome, Florence, Madrid, and Berlin. All chilly cities this time of year, so the social scene will be indoors (your hostel's always the best bet for finding the party place), but sights will be free of summer's mobs: great time to be in Europe, and way more US students will be there this year than last. 
 

5. Puerto Vallarta

Dancers in Puerto Vallarta's Christine Club
Puerto Vallarta's a beach-meets-Mexican-mountains city that will again have a lot of what you want for 2011 friendly folks, awesome nightlife, beautiful beaches, great all-inclusive hotel deals and all the action's not just at the beach, either: parasail or mountain bike, for instance. Hasta pronto!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Iron Mike



The most unintentionally funny man in the sports world. One of the scariest men with homosexual tendencies.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Kamikaze Street Racer





This guy is completely reckless.  I'm not too sure what he was thinking.

Move it Like Bernie

A new dance craze has hit the south called "The Bernie."  It looks a lot easier to do than it is.  The guys in this video look like the zombies from Call of Duty.  The dance is ridiculous and will probably not be the next Dougie.  When my friends and I saw this video for the first time we all gave it shot and came up with some steps to do the dance.

Step 1) Put on your nicest pair of jorts (jean shorts)
Step 2) Lean back as far as you can without bending your knees or falling over
Step 3) Flail your arms behind your back
Step 4) Continue to flail your arms until you can't anymore
Step 5) Repeat steps 2 thru 4

Autoerotic Asphyxiation

This generations youth has brought a new meaning to fucking twisted sex. When people first started boning, it would be one person and another person. Over time this turned into people fucking animals, corpses, apple-turnovers, and shampoo bottles. I have even heard of kids bringing bagels back from the cafeteria, microwaving them, and then fucking them (supposedly it very closely resembles a twat). But now some people are taking it to the next level. Autoerotic Asphyxiation is the attempt to cut-off ones air supply while they masturbate. Something about this isn't very appealing to me. Here are some tips to remember when perform this act:

1. Make sure you have a fail-safe. Make sure you have a knife to cut the rope tied around your neck or a chair.

2. Make sure to leave one of the most fucked up crime scenes in the case you actually die. Besides leaving porn and girls underwear all around you, turn around family photos, take a shit and don't wipe or flush, hang your favorite stuffed animal next to you on a similar noose, and turn the microwave on defrost for 30 minutes with nothing inside.

3.  Use a friend. There is nothing wrong with a spotter. Someone who can motivate you to rub out your dong faster and harder or in the event you pass out, they can remove the strangling device from around your neck or face. After the asphyxiation occurs, you may need to have a heart to heart talk with your buddy about what just happened.

4. Just stick to fucking inanimate objects. There's no danger in fucking a chicken pot pie or a microwaved bagel with lox smear. I don't think the apple-turnover will press any charges for rape or sexual abuse.

Happy Spanking Boys




Fast and The Furious 15: Halal Drift



This guy must have been late to work at 7Eleven or sugar high on Slurpees or something

Warning: Xenadrine May Stunt Your Growth

Ronnie are you fucking serious.  Because it wasn't bad enough that you beat your girlfriend on national TV you had to be in the Xenadrine commercial. BRO what were you thinking?!  Lets be real here if you are going to be promoting anything it should be Dianabol.  "Hi, I'm Ronnie from the Jersey Shore and I'm here to talk to you guys about the benefits of using D-Bol.  You can either inject D-Bol or if you are a pussy ingest it in tab form.  D-Bol gave me massive arms, a huge back but shrank my dick about 3 inches.  Side effects of using D-Bol are using the terms Dude and Bro excessively.  It will also cause you destroy all of your girlfriends belongings and cry like a little school girl bitch.  Real people, Real Results."  This is much more believable.   It's going to be hard to recover from this one big guy, you clearly did not think this one thru.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Shake Weight Friend or Foe?

Shake weight, the eighth wonder of the world? I think not.  This thing is the most ridiculous invention in the world.  There is no way in hell that by using this machine that moves up and down in your hands has the ability of giving you abs like a Greek god or lats that look like gargoyle wings.  This contraption looks like the only thing that it good for is teaching you how to catch a hefty load off your face.  Quite frankly I do not get it or understand how using it could be beneficial.  Out of curiosity I wonder how many people actually own a Shake Weight.  Thank god you can order these things over the phone because buying it in a store would be more embarrassing than buying condoms for the first time.  I also guarantee that the people that have purchased the Shake Weight would never admit to it.  No one in their right mind would ever make their Facebook status "Shake Weight Time" or "Just had the workout of my life with my Shake Weight."  I feel bad for the guys in the infomercial more than anybody else.
Hopefully they got paid a lot of money because they are and will forever be known as the guys trying to promote a machine helps you prepare for a facial.


Video Of The Week



This little chimps got moves that put me to shame. Now if this were only the monkey that smoked cigarettes.


Rihanna Make Up Your Fucking Mind...

So Rihanna released her new track S&M a couple of weeks ago. The song is awesome and the music video is even better.  I can do without the red hair but if you're watching the video and are paying attention to her hair color instead of her legs you probably like men, but that is besides the point.  I was listening to the song the other day and actually payed attention to the lyrics.  The verse "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me" had me a little bit baffled.  As many of you recall, a few years ago Rihanna pressed charges on her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown for beating her up.  Hitting a woman is never acceptable, but after hearing the song a few times I'm convinced that she might have asked for it.  I'm not sure how whips and chains excite you but Chris Brown's soft ass hurt you so bad that you need to get a restraining order.  The lyrics to Rihanna's new song raises many questions and I am pretty sure that at the end of the day she is full of shit.  The verse should be changed to "Chris Brown's frail ass can break my bones, but I'm going to pretend that whips and chains excite me" or "Whips and chains excite me, but if you actually use them I am going to sue you for all you're worth and try to ruin your career."  Chris Brown if you're out there we're all sorry for you and know that it wasn't your fault.  If I were you I would sue her ass for defamation.  Rihanna you have to make up your fucking mind or don't lie to us all because we know you are full of shit.  With all of this said, I am still going to listen to the song regardless.  Drop some comments and let us know if you're team Riahanna or Team Chris Brown.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Koi Fishing



Nothing turns on a guy more then watching a girl get down and dirty with some fishing. But this story is not about that. I attend a college where there is a sacred pond called a "Grotto" on the front of my campus. Enough about the history lesson, lets get to the funny part.

I was pulling on to campus today and noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Some old fuckin hag from the land of asia, had what appeared to be a pool skimmer and was attempting to catch one of the hundreds of Koi fish in the grotto. Now this lady had to be 80 years old and didn't seem to give a fuck about the pond being sacred. She nets one of those big orange cock-suckers and begins to lift it out of the water. Once the fish was fully out of water, the head of the skimmer snapped releasing the the big body Koi fish back into the grotto.

You think it ends there. This dumb bitch walks over to the security booth looking to use the phone (with the broken skimmer in hand). Now my favorite security guard is working, and she is one of those really sweet black women who lets me park on campus even though I lack a parking pass. Once she sees this lady walking towards her with a snapped pool skimmer, shit got real fuckin hood, real quick. She moved outta the security booth faster than Adrian Peterson ran his 40. She starts yelling shit at this bitch, pretty much to the effect of asking her if she was retarded. She then rips the skimmer out of this old bitches hands. This is when shit started getting ethnic.

1000 Views to find out the rest of the story

Guy Tips 4 Chicks



Unless you are Emmanuelle Chriqui, Everything below applies to you.


Recently I've been having talks with my buddies about either girlfriends, one night stands, or whores who will open their legs at the snap of a finger. We've been talking about some shit that girls do that freaks us out, makes us uncomfortable, or just straight-up hurts. Heres a few bedroom tips for the lady viewers. Enjoy!

1. Eyes Down - when performing the art of the BJ on your male, stop staring at him like he owes you lunch money. For many reasons, the staring aspect is uncomfortable. A) Focus on the goods and not the upshot of my nose. B) You may think you look hot doing it, but we know the face that we're making isn't the least bit attractive. C) Your not a porn-star.

2. Suck Us Off, Dont Suck It Off - The ball-bag region is a very sensitive area. And when you apply the force of a Dyson Vacuum on our tea-bag, its slightly excruciating. Play with them nicely and this will avoid hospital visits. Its hard to explain to your parents that you had your nut sucked out of place.

3. Don't Be Afraid of The Lingerie - All guys love lingerie, and if they say they don't, then they are fuckin liars or like to be the buns to somebody else's chili-dog. A) It's something new (because we will break up with you if you keep doing the same shit). B) We know how you girls love buying stupid shit, so at least get something both parties can enjoy. C) And for my chunkier and more insecure broads, this is a perfect way to cover up any left over rolls you might have picked up from the cafeteria.

4. God Gave You 2 Holes For A Reason - Again, this is probably something new for all you lame asses. Reminder: The same shit everyday, sucks and makes us guys watch more and more porn. Further slowing down our already virus infected computers. Nobody ever died from a nice trip down the Hershey Highway. Just make sure to clean the area before the rodeo begins. There's nothing worse then coming home muddy when you were supposed to be at the beach.

5. The Rub and Tug - Every guy fantasizes about getting a little rub down followed by a RUB DOWN. Throw one of these in for you man every once in a while and he may think less about dumping your ass once you put on those extra "BOYFRIEND" pounds.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Hiroshima, Nagasaki, but Fukushima Is Not Our Fault

Movie Review: Battle LA

So for anybody on the fence about see the new action/thriller "Battle Los Angeles," stop questioning and go buy a ticket. This was one of those movies that makes guys jump out of there chairs and let out manly grunts, while at the same time maintaining a semi-chubby. This is a movie you see with your fellow bros and crushing a 30 rack between 3-4 of you makes for a perfect recipe. For you women, you may not find the same enjoyment as us dudes. But Michele Rodriguez represents bad ass chicks in this flick, and even with full camo and 30 lbs of gear on, she can still make any pre-pubescent boy melt in his pants.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Raw Footage of Tsunami in Japan

NFL STRIKE BEGINS!

WASHINGTON (AP)—The NFL players’ union decertified on Friday, making the league’s first work stoppage since 1987 a near certainty.
After 16 days of mediated talks with the NFL, the sides could not reach agreement on a new deal. The current one expires at the end of Friday, and the league could lock out its players.
By decertifying, the union clears the way for individual players to file antitrust lawsuits against the NFL, which opted out of the CBA in 2008. It renounced its right to represent the players in contract bargaining.
The CBA was due to expire a week ago and was extended twice.
The union’s latest move sets the stage for a lengthy court fight that could potentially threaten the 2011 season. The last work stoppage came when the players struck 24 years ago, leading to games with replacement players.
In 1989, the NFLPA also decertified. Antitrust lawsuits by players forced a new CBA in 1993 that included free agency, and the union formed again that year.
“We met with the owners until about 4 o’clock today,” union head DeMaurice Smith said outside the mediator’s office. “We discussed a proposal they had presented. At this time, significant differences continue to remain. We informed the owners that … if there was going to be a request for an extension, that we asked for 10 years of audited financial information to accompany that extension.”
About 15 minutes later, the union decertified.
“The parties have not achieved an overall agreement,” federal mediator George Cohen said, “nor have they been able to resolve the strongly held competing positions that separated them on core issues.
“No useful purpose would be served by requesting the parties to continue the mediation process at this time.”
The players’ union immediately shut down its websites—NFLPA.org and NFLPlayers.com. A search for NFLPA.org yielded this message: “Error 404: Football Not Found. Please be patient as we work on resolving this. We are sorry for the inconvenience.”

Dream Girl?


Nothing beats a girl that can snap your dick into two. When in this chicks life did she decide that she wants to be fucking huge, jacked out of her mind. This is a pretty scary sight, as guys we want our chick to be in the gym tightening the body up, looking good and all but this is overkill much. This bitch would kick the shit out of me.

Battle LA Opens



GET SOME


ShitShow Recollection

So, last night. I wish I could end it there, but unfortunately last night was too good to not write about. Putting a bunch of drunk college kids in a bar filled with smoke and 105 degree heat, on a night of pouring rain, are the ingredients for an epic disaster or movie worthy night.

After getting back from work, much later then usual, I ran into a few of my dipshit buddies, fucking hugging and doing very non-hetero, but acceptable, shit. You know when guys get really drunk and almost everything is followed by a High Five or an acceptable man hug. It looked like these guys were having a fun bro-on-bro sesh so I didn't want to interfere, but the man-fuel factor was high so I joined in. The conversation was like every other conversation we have. We only talk about three things.

1. Dude you look like your shitfaced. SICK

2. Yeah yo, I'm gonna fuck her tonight.

3. Dude, Tiesto

After this little interaction I preceded into my dormitory, which for some reason was giving me a vibe that I was about to embark on an epic fucking journey. I take the elevator up stairs to see whats up, and just as expected, the fucking young dirty boys are sucking down beers faster then when a 12 year old cries after she gets her first period.

Sidenote: This paragraph isnt over, i just cracked a beer and felt everyone should just know how much of a fucking gangsta I am.

After seeing the faces of The Ghost, Young Bernie Whooooadoff, Donnie, Wrecker, TrainGuy, Honkey Tonk Man, FastJim, Douglas, and Knuckles, I knew that these guys were lookin to get their dicks in some dirty shit. I'll skip ahead to not bore you with the marathon shot-gunning session and the guys trying to put a cigarette out on my ass while I was in the shower.

Sooo its time to go to the bar.

Fact 1: 6 grown ass fuckin dudes and a chick can fit in a 2 door Volkswagon

Upon arriving at the shit-hole of a bar we attend every week, we park a block away and sprint through the buckets of water being pissed on us by the sky. When we enter, the temperature rises about 60 degrees and we all begin sweating like the fuckin pigs that we are. Beers and mixed drinks are being consumed at a pace that may kill some human beings.

Fact 2: Triple fisting is the new thing

We make our way to the dance floor and listen to a few of our anthem songs such ass OPP, We No Speak Americano, and Teach Me How To Dougie. Now my boy Douglas can get down and Dougie like a fucking don mega of a hood rat. Everyones dancing and having fun so I decide to shake up some silver bullets and make it rain on bitches. Cans get cracked open and bitches are getting a diesel champagne shower. I then see the spawn of Donnie grab TrainGuy and perform what appeared to be a trust-fall on the dance floor. The only problem was that nobody was behind them to catch em. Then laying on the ground like two corpses i proceeded to laugh and dump $3 dollar beers on them.

3 O'clock + A mop of dudes piss drunk = Cab's Are Here

Fact 3: When a cabbie won't let you smoke in the car, its a free ride.

A few bros jump in a cab with me. Right off the bat the cabbies being a dick. First he wont take us to school, then he's overcharging us, and he decides to take his own sketchy route. FastJim gives me THE LOOK when we pull up to campus. The doors open, "How much do we owe," Peace Out. Next thing you know, 4 guys in full sprints with the cabbie fair are darting through campus. Guys are hiding behind trees but I only have one thing on my mind. GET THE FUCK TO YOUR ROOM AS FAST AS YOU CAN. When running on grass in a monsoon, most people don't notice pools that develop that may be up to 2 feet deep of water. In my panic and balls to the wall sprint, I trip on a tree root.

You already know what's coming. Out of a movie, I belly flop into a giant pool of water. Now when I say I was submerged, I shit you not, my entire body was under water. Balls deep in mud and cigarette butts, I am drowning on what was earlier a lawn. *Karma. Once I collect myself and get pass all the laughter I sprint back into my dorm.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

ONCE WE GET TO 2000 VIEWS, YOU'LL HEAR THE REMAINDER OF THIS EPIC NIGHT. TRUST ME, SHIT GETS WILD.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I EATS DA PUSSY

Take some notes

Are You Seeking Bromace?



This is what I would call every man's dream. But first lets take a step back and define the word BROMANCE: Describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males. Its that feeling you get deep down (and all you guys out there know what I am talking about here) when your with that one guy (you could have a few guys) that you have a bromance with that just makes any situation fun. For some of you out there your probably thinking and saying under your breath, WOW this kid is definitely a faggot. Well I am sorry for you guys because things like this do exist, things like a bromance are what got me through college.
Okay enough with this mooshy shit and soft talk about bromance. Lets talk about the something prized by most men and if not, you guys should really look into this. The act of Double Teaming a girl...yea thats right a double team. For this act, as you all probably know, you need to find a chick with low inhibitions or little to no self respect. I know for most of you guys this would be tough because it means you have to put in work, like talk to her and find out what she is about. For you other guys you could just find the most inebriated slop show of a girl you can find at the bar, because alcohol does the work for you. When all of the above fails, you pigs out there know whats next, just find the fattest chick at the bar and hang a piece of salami from your zipper.
There are a few rules to a double team

1.Preferences go out the window and you must shotgun the hole you desire within 500 yards of the destination. Squatting right dont apply, you must agree on a rotation.

2. Never go ass to mouth with this chick because you or your bro could in the heat of the moment kiss this chick to keep the mood.

3.Eyes open is a must. The last thing you want to do is grab a hand full of your buddies meat.

4.Never cross swords.

5.No matter how drunk, once that chick passes out you have to bail. There is no such thing as a sleep over, no man left behind you grab your bro and get the fuck out of there. The last thing you want to do is wake up spooning with your buddy.

I am not saying that these are rules that you have to live by, like my great grand-daddy once said: "To each there own." These are just a few tips to get you through an epic night that you may never forget or never remember.
Good Luck to all!

PlUS SIZE BROADS VS. LEGGINGS

I'm not one to judge a women, i'm a fan of all women..large, skinny, deaf, blind, even the special ones... There is just one thing that really grinds my gears, a BBW wearing leggings. Here is a pointer for you plus size women who are in denial and continue to wear these outfits. Wear a big enough shirt so you could at least cover up majority of your fat upper pussy area. When your eating lunch maybe you should minimize the amount of french fries that your large ass intakes, and for my final comment don't dare talk about other girls and the way that they look before you check yourself out in the mirror first booboo...

                                               

I Live My Life One Thursday At A Time



For many of you college dip-shits living off the allowance that mommy and daddy give you every week, this is the night you usually blow it all away. Thursday is the night when underage girls and boys get belligerently intoxicated to the point where they are either vomiting on cab drivers, pissing in their mini-skirts, or when the God fearing pussies suck down a pack of cigarettes and swear in the morning they don't remember even after they spit up a small portion of black-top. This is also the night when the real dooshers, such as myself, go out and prey on the most insecure girl in the bar. You know the one who wears the same style outfit every week, usually a black top, revealing cleavage, but wearing something loose around the sides to cover up the 5-15 pounds they put on when they got back to school. Also she does her hair straight and depending on how coordinated she is when she's 10 SoCo and Limes deep, may possibly be wearing heals. Yeah so if this pertains to you in anyway, I dont mean for you to change how you go out. I just want you to know that you have a target on you that reads:

"I will definitely Blow You, and if you tell me how beautiful I am, You can throw it in my ASS"

Come Over To The Wet Side

Words of The WEEK

Winning - This seems to be in everyones vocabulary already so why not add winning to the already fucked up slang that white people use nowadays.

Libya - This week, instead of saying that something or someone is fucked up, just say they are Libya

Fellatio - Oral sex has become so many different words over time, but in light of March being the birth month of Justin Bieber, the biggest cock-smoker of em all, lets bring oral back to it's origins. So when you wake up tomorrow and tell your boys how you got dome from some 15 year old, tell them "She performed Fellatio on my meat hammer."

Gnarly - As spoken by the savior of man, Chuck Sheen, the word "GNARLY" is back. This word can be used when describing how disgusting a females bush may be, the excitement you receive when you expel your own man-milk on your passed out buddy, or the burning sensation you feel around your glory hole after you eat cafeteria food